I was on the train to work yesterday thinking about my journey into work on my LAST Monday and I started thinking about the word ‘leaving’ and how that has manifested in my life. I left home, I left jobs, I left men and husbands, I left college, I left alcohol, I left abusive relationships, I left the church, I left for work many, many mornings, and on this day I was leaving for my last Monday at my job with Mercy Corps. It was both thrilling and bittersweet, and I started to think about synonyms for the word “leave” – depart, pull up stakes, exit, go out, get out, move, change – these were some of the words I found. Interesting, change was one of the words – one of the words in our logo – Be the Change you wish to see in the world, from Ghandi. The change that my leaving is-is positive, and welcomed – by me.
When I was considering this departure well over a year ago – it was about leaving the work. I did not want to be doing the work…for anyone. But I did not know exactly what it was that I was to be doing, but I knew that it wasn’t the work I was doing. I had no passion for it… so I began to look at all the things that I want to explore…writing, learning to speak Italian, learn to knit something other than a scarf, take a photography class, design a cottage garden, get back to a regular workout regiment – I welcomed the idea of having the time to clean a closet – sad AND wrong! I am tired. I feel the unblocking of my spirit beginning…I feel the creative part of my soul opening..it is just a sliver at the moment, but I feel it. I feel just a bit lighter….there are numerous people that I will miss come Monday morning next, but I will not miss the work. The work I am leaving behind for it is not the work I was meant to be doing….that work is still undetermined. I look forward to what the days and weeks will reveal in the search for change as I exit my current position.