APRIL Showers

It’s April. A month of showers, flowers and new beginnings. The squirrels have been attacking the bird feeders, even with their own food supply replenished…come on boys….let’s not be greedy and major over-eaters.

It’s been exactly 3 weeks since I left my job. Still feels a bit like vacation and I am getting tired of the queries about “how it feels”…. it Feels Absolutely GREAT! I can not honestly find a negative about not having to get up and go do work that I had no passion for… very difficult to work where there is no transparency and one is considered disloyal for telling the truth.

I am extremely impatient with myself. In speaking with a former colleague a few days ago she indicated that it had taken her about 3 months to ‘let go’…really? Going into the whole resigning from the position discussion with my loved ones, I did have that notion in my head that I would need time to decompress from that position. But 3 months? Seriously? I am just now beginning to really understand my part in the dysfunction…I should have left 2 years ago when it became clear that work styles would continue to clash and I no longer wanted to do that type of work. However I will not beat myself up about not leaving…the decision I made at the time was based on information I had at that time. Hindsight is always 20/20.  As much as I would like to completely let go…the process is out of my hands and I will need to find the patience and self awareness to compensate while I trudge the journey and path before me.

My brain is full of ideas of what I would like to do-from absolutely NOTHING to joining the Peace Corps…yes, even at my advanced age. Given that my spouse probably won’t want to join me in the Peace Corps I can cross that off my list. School is also an option that I want to ponder and examine as a possibility. Supposedly, and according to those who have written about the process of writing, the actual doing-ness of it allows your subconscious to open to creativity….hopefully that will begin to happen. Of course, the discipline of sitting down in a chair without other distractions is also part of the process….hummmmmm, that means I have to actually sit down to “write”. So along with creating a space to return to daily meditation – I also have to create a “writing” space…if God really abhors a vacuum that much space is going to get filled up really quickly!

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