Crazy monkey….

[Today’s Daily Prompt]

Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?

Why yes I do actually.

I have two quotes that help me to maintain a rational connected-ness with the often maddening world in which we all live. I would truly love to say that I have been operating under both of them for decades, but alas, that is not even remotely close to the truth.

The first one is:

somecir

The first time I heard this I became hysterical with laughter because I knew that it had been riding around in the backseat, quietly mind you, of my life. Absurdly so…because I was always attempting to FIX YOU. I was fine, but you really needed assistance. So your “circus” aka, drama was a cakewalk for me. SO much easier to juggle your life monkeys than to accept responsibility for my own hot mess of a life.

I had learned through a 12 step recovery program how to recognize the role play: the “crazy in you” pulling me into your drama which led to my own “bat-shit crazy” tailspin trying to save you – and it made me laugh, irritatingly loud I am sure. I get that way…..laughing at something so funny that I can not stop. Think about it. Monkeys/circus and what joy they represent.

This quote tells me that I need not attach myself to the drama of your life. If you need a hand up, I can support you as you climb out of the mess; my jumping into the mess does nothing for you other than creating another obstacle as you move towards it’s outcome. And I leave with a cape of ‘crazy’ draped over me – not a good look if you get my drift.

The second quote is: Do I want to be happy or do I want to be right?

Today I can honestly say that I want to be happy 97% of the time. Do I want to be right? Of course, who doesn’t? This one was a lot harder to figure out. The time and energy I spent attempting to get YOU to see things my way added years of being ‘bat shit crazy’ to my issue filled life – even in recovery.

I no longer have the fighting/confrontations/miscommunications with my spouse when I take a moment to ask my inner demanding child “happy or right”? Do I always pause….98% of the time I do. It just makes life so my cleaner when I can just shake it off…that need to be right, to have the last word, to be/feel smug or superior – just writing those words makes me feel in need of a bath. Both internally and externally.

Do I like that I have to ask that question. Lord, NO. I want to be right all the time. But I know that I am not God, won’t be God anytime soon and that being right carries a bunch of responsibility that, frankly, makes me tired just thinking about it. So, while smart enough to know both of those facts, I do have to take a few moments to speak gently to the ‘evil’ child that resides within and acknowledge her unmet expectations and desires.

Giving her chocolate works too.

~Ciao

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2 thoughts on “Crazy monkey….

  1. Not my circus, not my monkeys is one I love and use often. I like and use the other too – I think on my 20s and advocacy era. I still believe what I believe, but the arguing of it wore me down. I figured out there were other ways to effect change. And still be happy.

    Like

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