I have an aversion to toxic, dysfunctional people.
You know the type. They approach, all smiles and “how-are-yous”, “love your outfit” or “love your ____________(fill in the blank – with hair/nails/lipstick shade/shoes/handbag)”. At the time it feels genuine and it makes you feel good. “They like me, they really like me…” runs through your head.
You exchange phone numbers and before you have even gotten home there is a call/text (back in the day – a tape recording replaying the whole first meeting) from them wanting to know when you can meet for coffee/lunch/dinner/movie/concert/_________. The hair on the back of your neck prickles. You shrug off the feeling, but don’t respond to the call/text either.
Then it’s “did you get my text?'”or “what’s wrong? you haven’t returned my call/text” and has some sort of emoticon that makes you smile. That neck/hair thing is back and this time you pause briefly and realize that you were rude in not responding…so you respond and make a date to meet. Big, big mistake.
That opening is when the invisible tube gets inserted and they begin the slow process of sucking the life out of you, one breathe at a time. They call at all hours, at work or when you have company. There is always a crisis. A crisis that you are being pulled into….you are left drained and exhausted. You consider changing phone numbers just to have a day without a call from that one person….simply because you have yet to learn the word NO.
No. (It is, of itself, a whole and complete sentence.)
And you have to learn to trust your own intuition. Maybe you need some professional help to sort out what your side of any street is. Maybe you find out about co-dependency and how to overcome that bad habit.
When you are on the road of self discovery and healing your own inner child wounds you start to recognize the toxic people around you. At that point you can either let them go or learn to say NO. Frequently and firmly, because they won’t stop until they too act to overcome the need to be rescued.
It’s also helpful to remember this Polish Proverb. Amazing how effect this one can be. Prayer works too..more for you then them.