In Pursuit of Magic…
Earlier this week I learned that my application to graduate school was declined. I felt both a huge sadness descend and relief for now I knew my fate and was out of limbo.
Several things happened in the moments after reading the precise, short yet tersely worded email from a English department student assistant. I sat and stared out my office window; aware that my heart continued to beat, although raining out there – no lightning had struck incinerating me into a heap of smoldering bits; and that their ‘no’ didn’t mean squat about my ability to write creatively or otherwise.
That awareness is HUGE.For.Me.
In that moment I was still whole. I had been rejected and I was still a whole person. I was sad, still am. The answer that I had been waiting for since the deadline of January 15th – 8 long weeks ago, of submitting the application had been given and I was not devastated. I will not be going to grad school to pursue an MFA in Creative Writing. At least not at my alma mater.
OK Universe, now what?
That answer is still to come, but I did the footwork, followed all the requirements, wrote, revised, and edited a personal statement that for me, was pure torture, and here I am a whole person. Awesome!
Then I opened the next email. An inspirational quote from one Martha Beck…it read:
“Writing isn’t just a task. It can be a confidant, a therapist, a good parent, a best friend, a channel to wisdom you didn’t know you had.” ~ Martha Beck
I love you Martha Beck. I love you…thank you.
Seriously Universe? In an email all this goodness.
Then I opened Instagram – because you just go to Social Media in times of hellacious news being delivered (the aforementioned bad news email) to your inbox. And there, staring me right in the face was an image (similar to the one here) posted by Elizabeth Gilbert.
I also love Liz Gilbert.
Just what I needed in that moment. To know that my writing is real and a signal for me. That someone’s opinion is just that…an opinion. Neither good nor bad. Neither right nor wrong. It is just an opinion. Being aware of that and knowing it inside my body is just simple magic.
If there is a lesson here, it is that we all have hopes and dream and sometimes the path is so narrow that you might miss the signs or the answers from your God/Universe/Higher Power. You do know there are only three answers to any question: 1) Yes; 2) No; and 3) Not now, I have something much better in store for you..
So after a period of meditation, interrupted by the cat, Lucy, and a walk in the rain to clear my head I have decided that going forward I will be ‘in pursuit of magic.’ I hope you will pursue whatever magic lies in wait for you today.
~ Ciao for now